Life As of Now

Hello everyone. All two of you (hi Elise and Amanda). It's been a while, hasn't it? It's been ages and ages since I last posted something. Oops. Sorry 'bout that. So since I don't have a specific topic right now, I guess I'll just update you on what's going on in my life right now. I suppose that could qualify as a specific topic. Doesn't matter.

So at this point, I am sixteen years old and in the second term of my junior year. I am busier than I have ever been in my entire life. Which is awful. It's not that the things I'm busy with are awful, mind you. Well, partially. Lets face the facts here people. Homework, no matter how you spin it, is and always will be awful. But the rest of it, not so much. I just despise being busy. But on the bright side (there always has to be one of course), I now know I never want to be this busy ever again.

Hmmm? What's that? Why am I so busy you ask? Well, I shall tell you. Besides the usual hours allotted to school during the day, I have been staying after school until 5:30 or 6 everyday because I volunteered to be the assistant director for the fall musical at my school. Being my silly self, I didn't realize how much time that would take up. And then I get home and I have dinner, then force myself to get started on the boat loads of homework my teachers take joy in assigning me. That takes a couple hours. Then, you would think that I could have a couple hours to myself. Not so. I have to go to bed so I can be "refreshed" by a good night's sleep for early morning seminary, leaving virtually no time to myself. And so I go to bed exhausted, wake up tired, count down till bedtime, rinse, repeat. At least for the next two weeks. Then the play will be over and I will be FREEEEEEE! You have no idea how good doing nothing sounds. Ah, to lay in bed with a good book and no one to bother me. That sounds divine.

Thats all I've got time for now, but I'll post again later.

The Place I Call... Well, Certainly Not Home

My school. I recently came to the realization that it is different from what I imagine other schools to be like. Perhaps I am just oblivious, but there seems to be no popular group. The cheerleaders and jocks are no more well known than everyone else. I haven't seen any bullying, but then again, I'm usually hiding in the Library. The books are my peeps. No one seems to get any more flack than anyone else.

In other schools, guys that do ballroom dance would be looked down upon and ridiculed.  Not at my school. While they aren't exactly considered to be "cool", nobody has anything against them. And if I can speak for the female population, its actually kind of attractive...

I recently attended a Band concert at my school, and was not unpleasantly surprised. The auditorium was nearly full once the concert began. And it wasn't even mostly family of those performing. There were many friends among the attendants. I found this to be quite fantastic.

The list could go on and on, but no one wants to read that, so I'm gonna stop here. All in all, I'm glad I go to school where I do.

Oh, hello

Oh, hi! You're still there? Thats surprising. The topic for today is about the different level of interactions that I have observed at my high school. There are surprisingly many. You'll see.

1. First we have the "I've frequently seen you in the hall, but we've never spoken" situation. The title is pretty self explanatory. This person may or may not know who you are, but you know who they are. That sounds a little creepy....
2. Then we have the "somewhat acquainted". This could be someone with whom you have had a class, or perhaps they have talked to your friend while you stood off to the side feeling awkward. You have not exchanged any kind of verbal communication with this individual.
3. Next there is the "awkwardly acquainted". You may have spoken to this person on one or more occasions, but you alway actively avoid eye contact in the hallway and in no other way acknowledge their existence.
4. And the "friendly acquaintance". This is the person with whom you talk if you happen to be seated closely, and the person you would pick to do a group project with, if you or they have no other friends in the particular class. As for hallway etiquette, you exchange a small smile, which in no way would embarrass you if the other person happened to not see you there.
5.  Then the "school friends". This is one who you would choose to spend time with, greet boisterously in the halls, and choose to sit next to in class. The only difference between them and a regular friend, is that you would never dream of doing anything together outside of school. Oh no, thats off limits.
6. Lastly, you've got your friends. I should hope that this one needs no explanation.

And to leave off, may I say that teenage boys are sometimes just plain stupid. I mean really, come on. Grow some sense.

Thats all.

Well?

So I got my license today, but I have to wonder when I will actually get to use it. My brother has the car half the time, and the other half I am either in school or my mom needs it. And Im not allowed to drive in the dark yet. So, where is this newfound freedom I've been hearing so much about for the last sixteen years? Its like giving a shiny new toy to a child then immediately taking it away incase they break it. Have I not proven that I am responsible enough to deserve this privilege? What have I done that has given evidence to the contrary? Please, help me. Im at a loss here. Where did I go wrong? Why cant I take the car four blocks for a jaunt to the friendly neighborhood market? So what if its dark? Its not like I haven't driven in the dark before. In fact, its required to get your license. Maybe I regressed a year instead of moving forward. I don't know. All I know is that I feel severely gipped.

Before I Croak

So, I've decided I need an actual list of things to do before I kick the bucket, bite the dust, buy the farm, check out, cross over, expire, succumb, give up the ghost, pass, pass away, pass on, be no more, cease to be, go to meet one's maker, be a stiff, push up the daisies, hop off the twig, shuffle off this mortal coil, join the choir invisible, etc. I will probably add to the list periodically. All of these items are completely serious, and I certainly intend to complete them.


My Bucket List

1. Have a tea party in an elevator
2. Reverse pick-pocket
3. Play Quidditch
4. Glue quarters to the sidewalk and watch people try to pick them up
5. Build an epic tree fort
6. Meet Matt Smith
7. Give my kids exceptance letters to Hogwarts along with all the necessary gear
8. Have and epic duel in a public park
9. Play hide-and-seek in a mall
10. Write a book
11. Wear a costume to a movie premiere
12. Blast classical music in my car

Well, thats all I've got for now. Except for this: clear the roads! I have a drivers license!!!

The Life of a Thespian

This week has nearly been the most hectic one of my entire life. And it isn't over yet.

This is Tech Week, which we have lovingly renamed, Heck Week. It is the week of long and exhausting rehearsals. The week of, how in the name of all that is holy am I going to be able to finish my homework? The week where you desperately wish you could function with minimal sleep.

I suppose I shall tell you what I think about the play.

Every winter, Timpview High School does a play from that great master, William Shakespeare. This year we are doing a little known one entitled Winter's Tale. This play is bipolar. The first three acts are a tragedy, and the last two, a comedy. Its a rather nice change of pace because the first half has some of the most emotionally draining scenes I have encountered. One of the scenes I am in ties my stomach in knots because of the King's bellowing, and his ranting. But the second half keeps me giggling. I won't get into the plot till after the last showing just in case some of you people are going to see it. If there is one thing in this world that I despise with a fiery passion, it would be spoilers.

Once again, I praise modern medicine. I think I would probably be dead by the end without it.

Despite the stress and the exhaustion, acting really is one of the best things in my life. It gives someone with low self esteem a chance to be someone else, and not be judged. The character may be judged, but not them. It is a very, very freeing feeling. And it gives a chance to work out frustrations, and it is a great release for excess emotion. Its like crying, or screaming in that way. It is an art, and it is all the more fun when one has a fantastic teacher like I do. He knows exactly how to pull the best qualities out in a person to enhance their ability. I am terribly excited to continue working with him for the next two and a half years.

Thats all for now. If anyone has a topic suggestion, feel free to give me a comment. I'm open to any ideas. 

Assemble All Students

There's just something about school assemblies that make me simultaneously love and loathe them. The only good thing I can think of about them is shortened classes and a break from cramming our brains with information. Which, face it, is a huge benefit.

Despite their many benefits, assemblies have infinitely more downfalls.

Assemblies are only mildly entertaining, a third of the time. They are mostly filled with sad attempts of people trying be clever and witty. They fail. Epicly. And whose bright idea was it to cram over two thousand students into one room? The result is uncomfortable proximity to strangers and the general deafening rumble of hyperactive teenagers hollering with their friends.

The invasion of my personal space isn't the only discomforting aspect to assemblies. It is added to by the hard bright orange bleachers, and my feet when seated upon these monstrosities hover a good two inches above the floor. And speaking of feet, I often end up with a pair belonging to the miscreant seated behind me in the middle of my back.

I left one thing out. Have you ever been in a crowded hallway? Well, you haven't seen crowded till you've seen roughly two thousand students cramming themselves into one moving in the same direction. A salmon has an easier job swimming upstream then one would have trying to fight the flow of hormonal teenagers.

These are surely not all the shortcomings of an having an assembly,  but there isn't enough room here to write them all. That would require a dissertation. I doubt anyone would want to read that, so, I won't bother to recount all the pitfalls.

The Library

The library is more than just a place where they keep the books. For me, it is a place of refuge, somewhere safe to hide and the chaos can't find me. It is a place that most students generally avoid, as if the books carried some mysterious disease. Like, if they enter, they would be infected and suddenly become *shudder* literate. Not for me though. As Jane Smiley says, "Many people, myself among them, feel better at the mere sight of a book."

Most of the time, the school library provides a quite calm difficult to find in the pandemonium of the crowded corridors. But, sometimes, there comes a group traipsing in which is not aware that the world does not in fact revolve around them. They settle themselves next to some poor soul who is trying to be productive, and proceed to speak with violent noise and raucous laughter. And, it seems that that poor soul is usually me. Don't they know its not polite to distract a person with ADD? Shameful, shameful behavior. Can't they wreak havoc elsewhere?

Then there was this week. As I stated previously, I have Road early in the morning. When finished, we arrive back at the school in so timely a manner as to leave me several minutes with which I can do nothing but wander the halls. Then, I find myself where else but the library? Now, thats not so bad is it? But for someone who has adopted a room, calls it their own, and spent nearly everyday of the last two years there, suddenly finds their precious haven past the occupational limit and brimming with such noise, mightn't they be a little irked? Its not a rational thing, but the territorial feeling I get is not something easily ignored. How dare someone disrupt my quiet respite? What, in the name of all that is good in this world, do they think they are doing sitting at my table, in my chair?

Alas, it is not within my power to ban these ruffians and hooligans from the residence of ink and paper. But, perhaps... Someday.... I guess I'll have to wait until I rule the world. Then it shall be decreed that all must learn sign language and be fitted with a muzzle upon entry to a library.

High School

There are many things I don't understand about High School. This may seem silly, but it kind of bothers me. Teachers, adults, etc., go on and on about how high school students need to get 8 hours of sleep, minimum, for maximum function. Yet, the time that school starts is before any sane person is awake. Not only that, teachers talk about having a well rounded high school life. Yet, they pile on the homework like there is no tomorrow. How in the world are we supposed to participate in extracurriculars, let alone have any semblance of a social life, not to mention the proper amount of sleep, with that much to do? Can anyone explain that to me?

I guess this all stems from the fact that I have play rehearsal nearly everyday after school (not that I mind, in fact, I quite enjoy it) and have to arrange everything around that. For instance, Drivers Ed. I've been waiting ages to get out on the road and finally earn that shiny new piece of plastic in my hand. At last, I have scheduled a time to drive with the instructor. But, because of my frequent and lengthy extracurriculars, have to show up at the school at 5:45 in the morning, and be awake enough to focus on the road and not hit any roaming pedestrians, or other automotive objects. I tell you, I would not survive the week if it weren't for Vyvanse (the medicine I take for ADD). Hallelujah, and praise modern medicine!

Things aren't all bad in the deep pit they call a learning facility. Some things are indeed quite nice. What, exactly, escapes me. But, I promise, they are there... Somewhere.

Well, shalom. Thanks for letting me rant (like you had a choice).

Here I Am

Life is hard, as a teenager. I know people say that a lot, but you know what? Its true.  Now, remember, I'm baring my soul right now.

This past year has been the hardest of my life, what with my many issues. I wont bore you with the gruesome details, but there have been many nights when I wish there had been someone to talk to. Someone who I'm not afraid to cry and feel weak too. I guess thats part of the reason I've started this blog. To expose myself and to shatter the expectations of perfection that I've created for myself. I don't really care whether or not you read this. But opening it to the world, whether or not its viewed by everyone or no one, is a step I need to take on the road of self improvement.

Now, I promise this won't a blog purely about how hard things are. I'm not looking for this to turn into a therapy session. What it will be, is a place to write down the thoughts that need to be heard, or read, as the case may be. That is my intention.

So whether you like it or not, here I am.